Perry Avenue (Racine, Wisconsin): Difference between revisions
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(Scene opens up showing buildings in England.) |
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{{coord|42.71832|-87.83937|display=title}} |
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Lawrence: Ooh! Merry old England. How I love our yearly holiday to my parents' home. Big Ben, Buckingham Palace, oh, the White Cliffs of Dover. Stonehenge. |
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{{Infobox road |
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Phineas: Either I’ve grown a lot in the last year, or England's gotten smaller. |
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| name = Perry Avenue |
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Lawrence: Here we are. The old homestead. |
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| marker_image = |
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Candace: Look! There's Grandma and Grandpa Fletcher. |
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| map = |
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Phineas: Grandpa! Grandma! |
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| established = circa 1927 |
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Grandpa Reg: Ahh! Phineas, Ferb! My boys! |
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| allocation = |
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Grandma Winifred: Oh, Ferb, you're looking more like your grandfather. Just look at that resemblance. What do you think, dear? |
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| cities = [[Racine, Wisconsin|Racine]] and [[Mount Pleasant, Wisconsin]] |
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(She places a fake mustache and hairpiece on Ferb) |
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| section1 = Northern segment |
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Grandpa Fletcher: He's a right handsome lad, he is. |
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| length_mi1 = 1.14 |
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Grandma Fletcher: You can keep these. I've got loads of them. |
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| direction_a1 = north |
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Candace: Hi, Grandpa. Hi, Grandma. |
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| terminus_a1 = [[Ridgeway Avenue (Racine, Wisconsin)|Ridgeway Avenue]] |
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Grandpa Fletcher: Candace? Can that be you? You look like a right beauteous princess. |
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| direction_b1 = south |
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Candace: Thanks! |
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| terminus_b1 = [[Lutheran Church of the Resurrection (Racine, Wisconsin)|Lutheran Church of the Resurrection]] parking lot |
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(Car honking) |
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| section2 = Southern segment |
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Lawrence: Ta-ta. We're off to the antique convention. See you tonight. |
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| length_mi2 = 0.22 |
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Phineas: Hey, Gramps, what's that cool castle next door? |
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| direction_a2 = north |
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Grandpa Fletcher: Oh, aye, that's our neighbors, Lord and Lady Pipping. It used to belong to the Black Knight. |
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| terminus_a2 = [[Graceland Boulevard (Racine, Wisconsin)|Graceland Boulevard]] |
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Phineas: The Black Knight? |
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| direction_b2 = south |
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Grandpa Fletcher: Such a wonderful tale of valor. |
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| terminus_b2 = [[Byrd Avenue (Racine, Wisconsin)|Byrd Avenue]] |
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}} |
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'''Perry Avenue''' is a north–south residential street on the west side of the city of [[Racine, Wisconsin|Racine]], [[Wisconsin]], with a small part of the street located in the village of [[Mount Pleasant, Wisconsin|Mount Pleasant]]. The primary segment extends {{convert|1.14|mi|km}}, from [[Graceland Boulevard (Racine, Wisconsin)|Graceland Boulevard]] in the north to [[Byrd Avenue (Racine, Wisconsin)|Byrd Avenue]] in the south. A separate, disconnected segment north of Graceland Boulevard extends {{convert|0.22|mi|km}} from [[Ridgeway Avenue (Racine, Wisconsin)|Ridgeway Avenue]] in the north to the parking lot of the [[Lutheran Church of the Resurrection (Racine, Wisconsin)|Lutheran Church of the Resurrection]], past [[Westway Avenue (Racine, Wisconsin)|Westway Avenue]], in the south. Perry Avenue is equivalent to '''5000''' in [[Addressing system of Racine, Wisconsin|Racine's addressing system]]; that is, buildings along cross streets immediately west of Perry have street addresses beginning with 5000, while buildings immediately east of it have addresses beginning with 4900. |
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(Song: "Ballad of the Black Knight")' |
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==History== |
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♪ The Black Knight of Worcestershire ♪ |
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[[File:Perry Avenue in Racine, Wisconsin, aerial photograph, 1937.png|thumb|right|A United States Department of Agriculture aerial image from 1937 shows Perry Avenue in its early years.<ref>[https://maps.sco.wisc.edu/WHAIFinder/ Wisconsin Historic Aerial Image Finder (WHAIFinder)], University of Wisconsin-Madison.</ref>]] |
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♪ Some say it's "Worcester-sheer" ♪ |
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The location of Perry Avenue originated from the property line between two farms west of Racine, which in 1858 were recorded as belonging to N. A. Walker (in the east) and "Heath" (in the west). The line between these properties defined what became Perry Avenue from [[Washington Avenue (Racine, Wisconsin)|Washington Avenue]] south to [[16th Street (Racine, Wisconsin)|16th Street]].<ref>[http://racinecounty.net/Redding%20and%20Watson/Redding%20and%20Watson.htm "Redding & Watson's Map of Racine County - 1858"], racinecounty.net.</ref> By 1893, Walker's farm was owned by M. George, and part of a property previously belonging to A. B. Crane had been added to it in the south. George's 65-acre property was bounded by what is now [[Washington Avenue (Racine, Wisconsin)|Washington Avenue]] on the north, [[Ohio Street (Racine, Wisconsin)|Ohio Street]] on the east, the [[Racine–Sturtevant Trail]] (formerly the [[Chicago, Milwaukee, and St. Paul Railroad]]) on the south, and Perry Avenue on the west.<ref>[http://racinecounty.net/East%20End%20Racine%20County/East%20End%20Racine%20County.htm "Map Drawing - East End of Racine County - 1893"], racinecounty.net.</ref> In 1930, this same area was owned by J. E. Rowland & Sons, a local real estate company, and residential development was underway.<ref>[https://online.flowpaper.com/7695073a/MapBook/#page=5 "Racine County Map Book - 1930"], racinecounty.net.</ref> |
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♪ Went out to fight the dragon ♪ |
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♪ No one else would volunteer ♪ |
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♪ The Hounds of Heck chased after him ♪ |
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The first known reference to Perry Avenue in the Racine newspapers is a classified advertisement from 1927, offering two newly-constructed houses on the street "just west of the city limits, close to school, bus service, large lots."<ref>[https://www.newspapers.com/clip/43962569/the_journal_times/ Classified advertisement], [[Racine Journal News]], June 21, 1927, page 15.</ref> The 1931 Racine city directory listed seven houses on the street, five of which were inhabited, all located just north of Washington Avenue.<ref>[http://racinecounty.net/1931-3/index.html#page=77 "Racine 1931 City Directory"], page 718.</ref> In 1940, Perry Avenue north of Washington was included in the West Terrace Sanitary District, at that time still outside the Racine city limits and considered part of [[Mygatt's Corners, Wisconsin|Mygatt's Corners]].<ref>[https://www.newspapers.com/clip/43962860/the_journal_times/ "Mygatt's Corners"], [[Racine Journal Times]], May 15, 1940, section two, page 6.</ref> In 1959, the city of Racine planned to annex an area that included 700 through 1200 Perry Avenue. Twenty-eight residents of the street protested the area's planned annexation into the city of Racine, calling for the first annexation referendum in the city's history.<ref>[https://www.newspapers.com/clip/43963125/the_journal_times/ "28 Demand Vote to Annexation on West Side"], [[Racine Journal Times]], April 7, 1959, front page.</ref> In the referendum, held less than two weeks after the petition, the annexation was approved by a 25-to-16 vote among Perry Avenue residents.<ref>[https://www.newspapers.com/clip/43963222/the_journal_times/ "Referendum Clears Way for Annexation to Racine"], [[Racine Journal Times]], April 19, 1959, pages one and [https://www.newspapers.com/clip/43963222/the_journal_times/ six].</ref> |
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♪ Through all the moors and lands ♪ |
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♪ Because his suit of armor ♪ |
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♪ Was recycled dog food cans ♪ |
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♪ The Black Knight of "Worcester-sheer" ♪ |
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[[File:Perry-ave-1959.png|thumb|left|A 1959 map in the [[Racine Journal Times]] illustrates the annexation of part of Perry Avenue into the city of Racine.]] |
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♪ Some say it's "Worcestershire" ♪ |
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By 1955, aerial imagery of the area shows that Perry Avenue extended both north and south from Washington Avenue, with none of what would become its other cross streets having been built that far west yet. In the north, Perry had several houses on either side and ended south of where Kinzie Avenue would later be built. In the south, it ran behind the back of the [[Westgate Outdoor Theatre (Racine, Wisconsin)|Westgate Outdoor Theatre]] and ended at the [[Perry Avenue Water Tower (Racine, Wisconsin)|Perry Avenue Water Tower]]. Meanwhile, Graceland Boulevard extended east from [[Green Bay Road (Racine, Wisconsin)|Green Bay Road]], and a small branch that extended south from that street would also later become part of Perry Avenue.<ref>[https://www.historicaerials.com/location/42.718295157135984/-87.84240286750975/1955/16 Historic Aerials - Racine, Wisconsin, 1955].</ref> By 1971, Perry Avenue had taken roughly its current route and form.<ref>[https://www.historicaerials.com/location/42.718295157135984/-87.84240286750975/1971/16 Historic Aerials - Racine, Wisconsin, 1971].</ref> |
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♪ He rode off with his Hounds of Heck ♪ |
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♪ To face the dragon's fire! ♪ |
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Grandpa Fletcher: Here, immortalized in bronze, is the Black Knight himself and his Hounds of Heck on their final charge to vanquish the dragon. And here is the disastrous results. (Reginald leads the boys to a statue that shows the dragon with forks and knives, while the black knight is being cooked) Legend says that the Black Knight's ghost still haunts these foggy moors, riding in search of the dragon, followed by his pack of fierce hounds. |
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In December 1975, the city of Racine considered barricading Perry Avenue, along with [[Echo Lane (Racine, Wisconsin)|Echo Lane]], at their southern end along [[Byrd Avenue (Racine, Wisconsin)|Byrd Avenue]], anticipating that traffic would be aggravated by the opening of [[Kmart 4477|Kmart store #4477]] near there in April 1976.<ref>[https://www.newspapers.com/clip/43963899/the_journal_times/ "Perry Avenue barricading on traffic unit's agenda"], [[Racine Journal Times]], December 5, 1975, page 4A.</ref> The city traffic commission discouraged the barricading, and criticized the city's failure to properly notify local residents of its plans.<ref>[https://www.newspapers.com/clip/43964053/the_journal_times/ "No Turn areas under study"], [[Racine Journal Times]], December 10, 1975, page 3A.</ref> |
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Phineas: Hey, I know what we should do today. Grandpa Fletcher, let's have a medieval tournament just like the knights did in the days of yore. We can he jousting and catapults and not bathe. |
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Grandpa Fletcher: Way ahead of you on the not bathing. |
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Candace: (Sighs) Man, Stacy, everything here is so old, wet and small, and... and... |
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==Route== |
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Charles: En garde, Stubbings! Ha ha! Come on, man! Parry and riposte. (laughs) I've run you through, Stubbings. |
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The northern segment of Perry Avenue begins in a T-intersection at [[Ridgeway Avenue (Racine, Wisconsin)|Ridgeway Avenue]]. A brief stretch of the street just south of Ridgeway forms the municipal boundary between Racine and Mount Pleasant. Most of the northern segment is a single block between Ridgeway and [[Westway Avenue (Racine, Wisconsin)|Westway Avenue]]s, with addresses from 100 to 300 along Perry Avenue. The street curves slightly towards the west as it travels south toward Westway Avenue, which has its western terminus at Perry. The southern end of this stretch, just south of Westway, leads directly into the parking lot of the [[Lutheran Church of the Resurrection (Racine, Wisconsin)|Lutheran Church of the Resurrection]]. This segment is located entirely within the [[Regency East Second (Racine, Wisconsin)|Regency East Second]] subdivision. |
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Stubbings: Yes. Delightful, Master Charles. Clearly, you have mastered the rules of tennis. |
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Candace: Uh, Stacy, I'll call you back. |
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Stubbings: I believe it's my serve. Oh, dear. I have punned. |
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(Charles laughs) |
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Phineas: (Dressed as a fool) Back it up! Back it up! (Trucks beep) Good. Right there. Lumber over here, suckling pigs over there. Hold it! That pig's barely suckling. What do I look like, a fool? (The man carrying the pig shoves an apple into the pig's mouth) That's what I'm talking about. Carry on. (To Ferb) So, you ready to chop some lumber, Ferb? (Ferb salutes) Hey, where's Perry? |
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{| class="wikitable" style="text-align: center;" |
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|- |
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! West side (even) |
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! |
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! East side (odd) |
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|- |
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| colspan="3" | Residences |
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|- |
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| style='border-style: solid solid none solid;' colspan="3" | '''[[Ridgeway Avenue (Racine, Wisconsin)|Ridgeway Avenue]]''' (100) |
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|- |
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| rowspan="4" | Residences<br/>(partially in [[Mount Pleasant, Wisconsin|Mount Pleasant]]) |
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| style='border-style: none solid none solid;' | |
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| Residences |
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|- |
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| style='border-style: none solid none solid;' colspan="2" | '''[[Westway Avenue (Racine, Wisconsin)|Westway Avenue]]''' (300) |
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|- |
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| style='border-style: none solid none solid;' | |
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| Residences |
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|- |
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| style='border-style: none solid solid solid;' colspan="2" | [[Lutheran Church of the Resurrection (Racine, Wisconsin)|Lutheran Church of the Resurrection]]<br/>parking lot |
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|} |
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(At Perry's lair...) |
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The gap between the northern and southern segments of Perry Avenue is {{convert|0.19|mi|km}} long, and is primarily occupied by the [[Graceland Gardens Apartments (Mount Pleasant, Wisconsin)|Graceland Gardens Apartments]] building. The northern end of the southern segment is in front of the apartment building's entrance, forming a T-intersection with [[Graceland Boulevard (Racine, Wisconsin)|Graceland Boulevard]]. This area is in the village of Mount Pleasant, and the Racine city limits cross Perry perpendicularly halfway between Graceland and [[Kinzie Avenue (Racine, Wisconsin)|Kinzie Avenue]]. Perry has only a few cross streets considering its length, and most of its blocks are treated as multiple blocks in [[Addressing system of Racine, Wisconsin|Racine's addressing system]]. The street is parallel with [[Roosevelt Avenue (Racine, Wisconsin)|Roosevelt Avenue]] to the west and [[Echo Lane (Racine, Wisconsin)|Echo Lane]] to the east. South of Graceland Boulevard, Perry passes through a predominantly residential neighborhood, crossing [[Kinzie Avenue (Racine, Wisconsin)|Kinzie Avenue]] and [[Lindermann Avenue (Racine, Wisconsin)|Lindermann Avenue]] before entering the commercial area around [[Washington Avenue (Racine, Wisconsin)|Washington Avenue]]. North of Washington, it provides an alternate entrance to [[Pizza Hut 13439|Pizza Hut #13439]] and [[Firestone Complete Auto Care 655260|Firestone Complete Auto Care #655260]]. |
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Major Monogram: Ahh, Agent P. Sorry about the tight squeeze, but they're on the metric system. Doofenshmirtz is attending an evil scientists' convention in London. We're sending you in undercover, disguised as evil scientist Dr. Lloyd Wexler who, incidentally, is the man sitting next to you. Good luck, Agent P. |
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(Back in England Phineas is building a horse) |
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South of Washington, Perry Avenue runs behind the back of [[Westgate Square Shopping Center (Racine, Wisconsin)|Westgate Square Shopping Center]], and provides the entrance to the cul-de-sac segment of [[13th Street (Racine, Wisconsin)|13th Street]] and the [[West Racine Post Office (Wisconsin)|West Racine Post Office]] at 1300 Perry Avenue. It passes between [[Starbuck Middle School (Racine, Wisconsin)|Starbuck Middle School]], [[Washington Court Apartments (Racine, Wisconsin)|Washington Court Apartments]], and the [[Perry Avenue Water Tower (Racine, Wisconsin)|Perry Avenue Water Tower]] south of [[Wright Avenue (Racine, Wisconsin)|Wright Avenue]], becoming predominantly residential again for its last block south of [[16th Street (Racine, Wisconsin)|16th Street]]. The street ends at a T-intersection with [[Byrd Avenue (Racine, Wisconsin)|Byrd Avenue]], in front of the [[Chateau I and II Apartments (Racine, Wisconsin)|Chateau I and II Apartments]] and near the headquarters of [[Rogan's Shoes]] at [[1750 Ohio Street (Racine, Wisconsin)|1750 Ohio Street]]. |
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Candace: Phineas? |
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Phineas: Oh, hi, Candace. |
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Candace: What do you think you're doing? |
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Phineas: I think I'm building a horse. |
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(The horse whinnies) |
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Candace: There's a cute boy next door, and I don't want you guys scaring him off by acting like complete freaks. |
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Charles: Beg pardon? |
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Candace: Hello. (Giggles) |
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Charles: I'm Charles Pipping the Fourth. |
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Candace: I'm Candace Flynn... the First. |
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Charles: So, what's all this? |
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Candace: This? Uh... This is just a-- |
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Phineas: We're putting on a medieval tournament. |
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Candace: Medieval tournament? That has to be, without a doubt, the most-- |
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Charles: Brilliant idea I've heard in years! |
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Candace: Exactly. (Laughs) Because who doesn't love whatever happens at one of those... Those... Things? |
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Phineas: Wanna join us? |
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Charles: Absolutely. We could use my family's castle as a backdrop. And you can be the fair princess in the tower, waiting to be rescued by a handsome knight. |
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Candace: (she blinks twice) Okay! |
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(At Evil-Con) |
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{| class="wikitable" style="text-align: center;" |
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Man #1: Welcome to Evil-Con, Dr. Lloyd Wexler. Hey! Wait a second. (Moves ID card to reveal Perry disguised as Dr. Wexler) You didn't get your evil button. Enjoy the convention, Dr. Wexler. |
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|- |
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! West side (even) |
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! |
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! East side (odd) |
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|- |
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| colspan="3" | [[Graceland Gardens Apartments (Mount Pleasant, Wisconsin)|Graceland Gardens Apartments]] |
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|- |
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| style='border-style: solid solid none solid;' colspan="3" | '''[[Graceland Boulevard (Racine, Wisconsin)|Graceland Boulevard]]''' (600) |
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|- |
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| Residences |
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| style='border-style: none solid none solid;' | |
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| Residences |
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|- |
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| style='border-style: none solid none solid;' colspan="3" | '''[[Kinzie Avenue (Racine, Wisconsin)|Kinzie Avenue]]''' (800) |
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|- |
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| rowspan="3" | Residences<br/>[[Pizza Hut 13439|Pizza Hut #13439]] ([[5000 Washington Avenue (Racine, Wisconsin)|5000 Washington Avenue]]) |
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| style='border-style: none solid none solid;' | |
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| Residences |
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|- |
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| style='border-style: none solid none solid;' colspan="2" | '''[[Lindermann Avenue (Racine, Wisconsin)|Lindermann Avenue]]''' (1100) |
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|- |
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| style='border-style: none solid none solid;' | |
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| Residences<br/>[[Firestone Complete Auto Care 655260|Firestone Complete Auto Care #655260]] ([[4920 Washington Avenue (Racine, Wisconsin)|4920 Washington]]) |
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|- |
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| style='border-style: none solid none solid;' colspan="3" | '''[[Washington Avenue (Racine, Wisconsin)|Washington Avenue]]''' (1200) |
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|- |
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| [[5005 Washington Avenue (Racine, Wisconsin)|Town Bank]]<br/>Former site of [[Westgate Cinema (Racine, Wisconsin)|Westgate Cinema]] |
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| style='border-style: none solid none solid;' | |
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| rowspan="3" | [[Westgate Square Shopping Center (Racine, Wisconsin)|Westgate Square Shopping Center]] |
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|- |
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| style='border-style: none solid none solid;' colspan="2" | '''[[13th Street (Racine, Wisconsin)|13th Street]]''' (1300) |
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|- |
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| [[West Racine Post Office (Wisconsin)|West Racine Post Office]]<br/>(1300 Perry) |
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| style='border-style: none solid none solid;' | |
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|- |
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| style='border-style: none solid none solid;' colspan="3" | '''[[Wright Avenue (Racine, Wisconsin)|Wright Avenue]]''' (1400) |
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|- |
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| [[Washington Court Apartments (Racine, Wisconsin)|Washington Court Apartments]]<br/>[[Perry Avenue Water Tower (Racine, Wisconsin)|Perry Avenue Water Tower]]<br/>Residences |
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| style='border-style: none solid none solid;' | |
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| [[Starbuck Middle School (Racine, Wisconsin)|Starbuck Middle School]] |
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|- |
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| style='border-style: none solid none solid;' colspan="3" | '''[[16th Street (Racine, Wisconsin)|16th Street]]''' (1600) |
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|- |
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| Residences |
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| style='border-style: none solid none solid;' | |
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| Residences |
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|- |
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| style='border-style: none solid none solid;' colspan="3" | '''[[Byrd Avenue (Racine, Wisconsin)|Byrd Avenue]]''' (1700) |
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|- |
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| colspan="3" | [[Chateau I and II Apartments (Racine, Wisconsin)|Chateau I and II Apartments]] |
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|} |
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(At the castle) |
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==External links== |
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Candace: (With a fake British accent) As the fair princess in the tower, I declare Sir Charles the winner of the tournament... (Thinks using her normal voice) Wait a second. Could this be one of those things that backfires horribly on me? (Pauses) Nah. |
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* Perry Avenue ([https://www.openstreetmap.org/way/21572526 northern segment], [https://www.openstreetmap.org/way/21572523 southern segment]) on [https://www.openstreetmap.org/ OpenStreetMap] |
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Charles: Looks like that armor is big enough for the two of you. |
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Phineas: That's a great idea. (To Ferb) Ferb, I'll take the top half because I tend to do more of the talking, and you take the bottom half because of your incredibly long, willowy legs. |
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Candace: Yoo-hoo! Sir Charles! They can't even hear me up here. (She yells) Yo, Chuck! (Growls) What is going on down there? (She attempts to open the door, but only manages to pull the handle off) Oh, come on! Hey, guys! I am locked in the tower! |
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Phineas: That's the spirit, Candace! You sound like a real damsel in distress! |
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Candace: (She growls) I have got to get out of here. (She tries to grab a spear from a knights grip) Let go! Come on, let go! Fine! Have it your way. (She picks up the armor, and smashes through the door. However, soon after the armor becomes undone, and Candace lands in it, making her look like the Black Knight) |
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Charles: Well, then, since you chaps are just about put together, I think it's time I popped next door to fetch my own armor. |
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==References== |
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Phineas: There's something almost disturbing about this. Hey, look. he's back. |
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{{reflist}} |
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Candace: (Grunts) |
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Phineas: Okay, Charles, we'll help you get on your horse and do a practice run. |
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Candace: (Muffled scream) |
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(At Evil-Con) |
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[[Category:Roads in Racine, Wisconsin]] |
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Doofenshmirtz: You didn't think I'd recognize you, did you? But I do! You're Dr. Lloyd Wexler, my greatest hero in all of evil science. Oh, I can't believe I'm actually talking to you! You know, I wrote my thesis on one of your early ransom notes. Gee, you wouldn't mind if I just hung around with you today, would you? |
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Perry: (He blinks twice) |
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(At the castle) |
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(Horn salute) |
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Grandpa Fletcher: Lords and ladies of the court, I declare that this contest is to begin! |
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(Cheering) |
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Grandpa Fletcher: Are you boys ready over there? |
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Phineas: Ready, Ferb? |
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(Ferb opens a compartment in the armor to give a thumbs up) |
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Phineas: We're ready, Grandpa! |
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Grandpa Fletcher: How about you, Charles? |
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Candace: (Muffled screaming) |
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Grandpa Fletcher: That's the spirit. |
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(Phineas and Ferb, and Candace begin their jousting match. Candace's horse however bucks her off, sending her into a catapult) |
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Phineas: Look, our catapult works. |
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(Cadence gets launched into the castle, but falls down the tower, and back onto the horse, who, in turn, bucks her off, repeating the cycle) |
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Grandpa Fletcher: Way to hang in there, Charles. |
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(Candace's horse runs off with her on it) |
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Phineas: Guess we won, Ferb. Yeah! |
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Charles: What ho, chaps. Still up for a bit of a joust? |
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Stubbings: Your lance, sir. |
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Phineas: Charles? Then who's that? |
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Grandpa Fletcher: Perhaps it was the ghost of the Black Knight. But I wonder where his Hounds of Heck are. |
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(Instrumental version of "Ballad of the Black Knight" playing in the background) |
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(Candace's horse continues to run down the street, causing a gravy truck to crash, spraying her with it, while also releasing dogs from an animal control van) |
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Man #2: (Upon seeing this) It's the ghost of the Black Knight and his hounds of Heck! |
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(At Evil-Con) |
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Doofenshmirtz: It makes me so happy to be surrounded by so much evil. Oh, look! It's your autobiography. It's always been a dream of mine to have you read it to me. (He pauses) Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait! (Pulls out a teddy bear) Okay, now I'm ready. |
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Doofenshmirtz: (laughs) Come on! Don't be shy. Paragraph 4. "Upon an evil winter's heart." Go ahead. |
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Perry: (lip-syching from the book on CD) "Upon an evil winter's heart, the heavy hand of regret infrequently alights. The malevolent path is one trod without the cumbersome shackles of sentimental introspec... spec... spec... spec... spec... spec... spec..." (He whacks the CD player with the book) |
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Doofenshmirtz: Hmm, that's funny. I don't remember you saying "spec" so many times. (Perry rips off his disguise) Dr. Wexler, you're a platypus. (Perry, looking annoyed, puts his fedora on. Doofenshmirtz gasps) Perry the Platypus! |
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Doofenshmirtz: I want to say that I knew it was you all along, but I can't because I didn't. So now, I guess I'm supposed to surrender, which I might do if we weren't standing IN THE MIDDLE OF AN EVIL WEAPONS EXPO! (He runs to the giant robots, and gets in one) Ah-ha! Perry the Platypus, your giant robot dragon is no match for my giant robot... Queen Elizabeth I. Hmmm. W- Would you mind switching robots with me? Would you mind too terribly? Please? (They switch robots) Thanks. Thank you very much. I just prefer this one. Thanks. Now, Perry the Platypus, your silly, girly Queen Elizabeth I robot is no match for my giant, fire-breathing... (Perry's robot shoots a laser blast at Doofenshmirtz) Ow! Ow! Wait! I didn't know she had laser eyes. I want to trade back. (Perry sends a punch at Doofenshmirtz) Oof! Well, yours may have laser eyes, but mine breathes (The dragon robot shoots fire from behind Doof) f- (He screams as the fire rushes past) (The dragon robot stops shooting fire) That was a stupid design. |
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(At the castle) |
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Grandpa Fletcher: Commence with round Two! |
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(With that, Charles, now wearing his knight helmet, charged towards Phineas and Ferb with his horse. This time however, Phineas and Ferb found themselves on both sides of their armor, with their heads sticking out from where the hands are. ) |
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Phineas: Uh, oh! Ferb, I think we put it on sideways this time. |
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(The two horses crash into one another) |
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Grandpa Fletcher: It's a draw! |
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(The crowd cheers) |
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TV Announcer: This just in: A giant mechanical Queen Elizabeth I and a dragon are rampaging through the country engaged in an apparent duel to the death. And in other news, a new version of Jane Eyre is in the offing. |
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(the robots continue fighting) |
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Lawrence: (Reading from a newspaper inside a taxicab driving past the fight) Good heavens, look at that! They're making a new version of Jane Eyre. |
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Doofenshmirtz: (Laughs) Obviously, your Queen Elizabeth I is no match for my dragon! (The Queen Elizabeth robot breaks the headlock she was in) That Queen Elizabeth is a tough old bird. |
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(Perry continues to wail on Doofenshmirtz, until, Doofenshmirtz accidentally pushes a button) |
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Computer: Thank you for pressing the self-destruct button. |
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Doofenshmirtz: Oh, that's just great! |
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(He slams down on the console) |
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Computer: Thank you for pressing the ejection button. Remember to take a parachute with you. |
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Doofenshmirtz: Now you tell me! |
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(At the castle) |
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Charles: Look, everyone, it's the ghost of the Black Knight. |
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Phineas: I guess he's still in search of the dragon. |
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(The Dragon falls onto the medieval festive) |
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Computer: To order a parachute, please call our help desk. Self-destruct in 3, 2, 1. |
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(As the dragon self destructs, Candace runs into it. The resulting explosion sends Candace into the castle, then crashing back down the tower, only to be caught by Charles) |
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Candace: Hi, Charles. |
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Grandpa Fletcher: Jolly good, old bean. |
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Phineas: Ah! There you are, Perry. |
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Lawrence: Hello. we had the most amazing time. Look! I found this 19th century barometer. Anything interesting happen 'round here? |
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(There's silence for a moment) |
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Ferb: I hear there's a new version of Jane Eyre in the offing. |
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Revision as of 19:51, 5 February 2023
(Scene opens up showing buildings in England.) Lawrence: Ooh! Merry old England. How I love our yearly holiday to my parents' home. Big Ben, Buckingham Palace, oh, the White Cliffs of Dover. Stonehenge. Phineas: Either I’ve grown a lot in the last year, or England's gotten smaller. Lawrence: Here we are. The old homestead. Candace: Look! There's Grandma and Grandpa Fletcher. Phineas: Grandpa! Grandma! Grandpa Reg: Ahh! Phineas, Ferb! My boys! Grandma Winifred: Oh, Ferb, you're looking more like your grandfather. Just look at that resemblance. What do you think, dear? (She places a fake mustache and hairpiece on Ferb) Grandpa Fletcher: He's a right handsome lad, he is. Grandma Fletcher: You can keep these. I've got loads of them. Candace: Hi, Grandpa. Hi, Grandma. Grandpa Fletcher: Candace? Can that be you? You look like a right beauteous princess. Candace: Thanks! (Car honking) Lawrence: Ta-ta. We're off to the antique convention. See you tonight. Phineas: Hey, Gramps, what's that cool castle next door? Grandpa Fletcher: Oh, aye, that's our neighbors, Lord and Lady Pipping. It used to belong to the Black Knight. Phineas: The Black Knight? Grandpa Fletcher: Such a wonderful tale of valor.
(Song: "Ballad of the Black Knight")' ♪ The Black Knight of Worcestershire ♪ ♪ Some say it's "Worcester-sheer" ♪ ♪ Went out to fight the dragon ♪ ♪ No one else would volunteer ♪
♪ The Hounds of Heck chased after him ♪ ♪ Through all the moors and lands ♪ ♪ Because his suit of armor ♪ ♪ Was recycled dog food cans ♪
♪ The Black Knight of "Worcester-sheer" ♪ ♪ Some say it's "Worcestershire" ♪ ♪ He rode off with his Hounds of Heck ♪ ♪ To face the dragon's fire! ♪
Grandpa Fletcher: Here, immortalized in bronze, is the Black Knight himself and his Hounds of Heck on their final charge to vanquish the dragon. And here is the disastrous results. (Reginald leads the boys to a statue that shows the dragon with forks and knives, while the black knight is being cooked) Legend says that the Black Knight's ghost still haunts these foggy moors, riding in search of the dragon, followed by his pack of fierce hounds. Phineas: Hey, I know what we should do today. Grandpa Fletcher, let's have a medieval tournament just like the knights did in the days of yore. We can he jousting and catapults and not bathe. Grandpa Fletcher: Way ahead of you on the not bathing.
Candace: (Sighs) Man, Stacy, everything here is so old, wet and small, and... and... Charles: En garde, Stubbings! Ha ha! Come on, man! Parry and riposte. (laughs) I've run you through, Stubbings. Stubbings: Yes. Delightful, Master Charles. Clearly, you have mastered the rules of tennis. Candace: Uh, Stacy, I'll call you back. Stubbings: I believe it's my serve. Oh, dear. I have punned. (Charles laughs)
Phineas: (Dressed as a fool) Back it up! Back it up! (Trucks beep) Good. Right there. Lumber over here, suckling pigs over there. Hold it! That pig's barely suckling. What do I look like, a fool? (The man carrying the pig shoves an apple into the pig's mouth) That's what I'm talking about. Carry on. (To Ferb) So, you ready to chop some lumber, Ferb? (Ferb salutes) Hey, where's Perry?
(At Perry's lair...) Major Monogram: Ahh, Agent P. Sorry about the tight squeeze, but they're on the metric system. Doofenshmirtz is attending an evil scientists' convention in London. We're sending you in undercover, disguised as evil scientist Dr. Lloyd Wexler who, incidentally, is the man sitting next to you. Good luck, Agent P.
(Back in England Phineas is building a horse) Candace: Phineas? Phineas: Oh, hi, Candace. Candace: What do you think you're doing? Phineas: I think I'm building a horse. (The horse whinnies) Candace: There's a cute boy next door, and I don't want you guys scaring him off by acting like complete freaks. Charles: Beg pardon? Candace: Hello. (Giggles) Charles: I'm Charles Pipping the Fourth. Candace: I'm Candace Flynn... the First. Charles: So, what's all this? Candace: This? Uh... This is just a-- Phineas: We're putting on a medieval tournament. Candace: Medieval tournament? That has to be, without a doubt, the most-- Charles: Brilliant idea I've heard in years! Candace: Exactly. (Laughs) Because who doesn't love whatever happens at one of those... Those... Things? Phineas: Wanna join us? Charles: Absolutely. We could use my family's castle as a backdrop. And you can be the fair princess in the tower, waiting to be rescued by a handsome knight. Candace: (she blinks twice) Okay!
(At Evil-Con) Man #1: Welcome to Evil-Con, Dr. Lloyd Wexler. Hey! Wait a second. (Moves ID card to reveal Perry disguised as Dr. Wexler) You didn't get your evil button. Enjoy the convention, Dr. Wexler.
(At the castle) Candace: (With a fake British accent) As the fair princess in the tower, I declare Sir Charles the winner of the tournament... (Thinks using her normal voice) Wait a second. Could this be one of those things that backfires horribly on me? (Pauses) Nah. Charles: Looks like that armor is big enough for the two of you. Phineas: That's a great idea. (To Ferb) Ferb, I'll take the top half because I tend to do more of the talking, and you take the bottom half because of your incredibly long, willowy legs. Candace: Yoo-hoo! Sir Charles! They can't even hear me up here. (She yells) Yo, Chuck! (Growls) What is going on down there? (She attempts to open the door, but only manages to pull the handle off) Oh, come on! Hey, guys! I am locked in the tower! Phineas: That's the spirit, Candace! You sound like a real damsel in distress! Candace: (She growls) I have got to get out of here. (She tries to grab a spear from a knights grip) Let go! Come on, let go! Fine! Have it your way. (She picks up the armor, and smashes through the door. However, soon after the armor becomes undone, and Candace lands in it, making her look like the Black Knight)
Charles: Well, then, since you chaps are just about put together, I think it's time I popped next door to fetch my own armor. Phineas: There's something almost disturbing about this. Hey, look. he's back. Candace: (Grunts) Phineas: Okay, Charles, we'll help you get on your horse and do a practice run. Candace: (Muffled scream)
(At Evil-Con) Doofenshmirtz: You didn't think I'd recognize you, did you? But I do! You're Dr. Lloyd Wexler, my greatest hero in all of evil science. Oh, I can't believe I'm actually talking to you! You know, I wrote my thesis on one of your early ransom notes. Gee, you wouldn't mind if I just hung around with you today, would you? Perry: (He blinks twice)
(At the castle) (Horn salute) Grandpa Fletcher: Lords and ladies of the court, I declare that this contest is to begin! (Cheering) Grandpa Fletcher: Are you boys ready over there? Phineas: Ready, Ferb? (Ferb opens a compartment in the armor to give a thumbs up) Phineas: We're ready, Grandpa! Grandpa Fletcher: How about you, Charles? Candace: (Muffled screaming) Grandpa Fletcher: That's the spirit. (Phineas and Ferb, and Candace begin their jousting match. Candace's horse however bucks her off, sending her into a catapult) Phineas: Look, our catapult works. (Cadence gets launched into the castle, but falls down the tower, and back onto the horse, who, in turn, bucks her off, repeating the cycle) Grandpa Fletcher: Way to hang in there, Charles. (Candace's horse runs off with her on it) Phineas: Guess we won, Ferb. Yeah! Charles: What ho, chaps. Still up for a bit of a joust? Stubbings: Your lance, sir. Phineas: Charles? Then who's that? Grandpa Fletcher: Perhaps it was the ghost of the Black Knight. But I wonder where his Hounds of Heck are.
(Instrumental version of "Ballad of the Black Knight" playing in the background) (Candace's horse continues to run down the street, causing a gravy truck to crash, spraying her with it, while also releasing dogs from an animal control van) Man #2: (Upon seeing this) It's the ghost of the Black Knight and his hounds of Heck!
(At Evil-Con) Doofenshmirtz: It makes me so happy to be surrounded by so much evil. Oh, look! It's your autobiography. It's always been a dream of mine to have you read it to me. (He pauses) Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait! (Pulls out a teddy bear) Okay, now I'm ready. Doofenshmirtz: (laughs) Come on! Don't be shy. Paragraph 4. "Upon an evil winter's heart." Go ahead. Perry: (lip-syching from the book on CD) "Upon an evil winter's heart, the heavy hand of regret infrequently alights. The malevolent path is one trod without the cumbersome shackles of sentimental introspec... spec... spec... spec... spec... spec... spec..." (He whacks the CD player with the book) Doofenshmirtz: Hmm, that's funny. I don't remember you saying "spec" so many times. (Perry rips off his disguise) Dr. Wexler, you're a platypus. (Perry, looking annoyed, puts his fedora on. Doofenshmirtz gasps) Perry the Platypus! Doofenshmirtz: I want to say that I knew it was you all along, but I can't because I didn't. So now, I guess I'm supposed to surrender, which I might do if we weren't standing IN THE MIDDLE OF AN EVIL WEAPONS EXPO! (He runs to the giant robots, and gets in one) Ah-ha! Perry the Platypus, your giant robot dragon is no match for my giant robot... Queen Elizabeth I. Hmmm. W- Would you mind switching robots with me? Would you mind too terribly? Please? (They switch robots) Thanks. Thank you very much. I just prefer this one. Thanks. Now, Perry the Platypus, your silly, girly Queen Elizabeth I robot is no match for my giant, fire-breathing... (Perry's robot shoots a laser blast at Doofenshmirtz) Ow! Ow! Wait! I didn't know she had laser eyes. I want to trade back. (Perry sends a punch at Doofenshmirtz) Oof! Well, yours may have laser eyes, but mine breathes (The dragon robot shoots fire from behind Doof) f- (He screams as the fire rushes past) (The dragon robot stops shooting fire) That was a stupid design.
(At the castle) Grandpa Fletcher: Commence with round Two!
(With that, Charles, now wearing his knight helmet, charged towards Phineas and Ferb with his horse. This time however, Phineas and Ferb found themselves on both sides of their armor, with their heads sticking out from where the hands are. ) Phineas: Uh, oh! Ferb, I think we put it on sideways this time. (The two horses crash into one another) Grandpa Fletcher: It's a draw! (The crowd cheers)
TV Announcer: This just in: A giant mechanical Queen Elizabeth I and a dragon are rampaging through the country engaged in an apparent duel to the death. And in other news, a new version of Jane Eyre is in the offing.
(the robots continue fighting) Lawrence: (Reading from a newspaper inside a taxicab driving past the fight) Good heavens, look at that! They're making a new version of Jane Eyre. Doofenshmirtz: (Laughs) Obviously, your Queen Elizabeth I is no match for my dragon! (The Queen Elizabeth robot breaks the headlock she was in) That Queen Elizabeth is a tough old bird. (Perry continues to wail on Doofenshmirtz, until, Doofenshmirtz accidentally pushes a button) Computer: Thank you for pressing the self-destruct button. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, that's just great! (He slams down on the console) Computer: Thank you for pressing the ejection button. Remember to take a parachute with you. Doofenshmirtz: Now you tell me!
(At the castle) Charles: Look, everyone, it's the ghost of the Black Knight. Phineas: I guess he's still in search of the dragon. (The Dragon falls onto the medieval festive) Computer: To order a parachute, please call our help desk. Self-destruct in 3, 2, 1. (As the dragon self destructs, Candace runs into it. The resulting explosion sends Candace into the castle, then crashing back down the tower, only to be caught by Charles) Candace: Hi, Charles. Grandpa Fletcher: Jolly good, old bean. Phineas: Ah! There you are, Perry. Lawrence: Hello. we had the most amazing time. Look! I found this 19th century barometer. Anything interesting happen 'round here? (There's silence for a moment) Ferb: I hear there's a new version of Jane Eyre in the offing.